


burn everything you love (then burn the ashes)

by slothy_girl



Series: that spark of black that i seem to love [5]
Category: One Direction (Band), The Addams Family (1991)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Addams Family, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Study, Established Relationship, M/M, Supernatural Elements, Twisted but Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 08:50:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2144517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slothy_girl/pseuds/slothy_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>louis thinks about how much he loves these three boys, how upset and guilty he’s felt for lying to them to cover up the truth, keeping pieces of himself hidden, holding them close to his chest, guarding them, when the other boys have given him all of themselves. he thinks of all the things he will never be able to share with them as long as they don’t know, how he will have to continue keeping secrets, how they won’t be able to attend harry and his wedding because harry has decided that he wants to do a traditional wedding, one filled with blood and sacrifices and a graveyard filled with people who are other and unafraid to show it off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	burn everything you love (then burn the ashes)

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: This is all just a big writing experiment for me, as well as me trying to bring my dreams of an Addams' family AU to life, so I'm just trying to have fun with it! This particular part is basically the calm before the storm, so be prepared!
> 
> I am not British in any way except in my ancestry, and this has not been Brit picked. If anyone is interested in helping out or just wants to offer some general constructive criticism, leave a comment or come say hi on my tumblr (slothy-girl)!
> 
> Title from the song “My Songs Know What You Did In the Dark (Light Em Up)” by Fall Out Boy.
> 
> Thanks: Thank you to my wonderful beta, Jennifer! All mistakes are my own.
> 
> Possible Trigger Warnings: While I hate to spoil things, I’d rather you all be safe than sorry, so please heed the warnings! This fic contains some mentions to universe typical violence, contemplation of thumb removal, and the accidental stabbing of one character with a knife.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no money off of this, and this is in no way a reflection on reality, etc.

when louis and harry had first gotten together, joy burning bright and slow through their veins like magma, their new band mates sleeping deeply and close by on the mattresses they had dragged out into the living room of the bungalow, they made a mutual decision concerning the ‘how’s and ‘when’s of telling the other boys their secret.

(of course, they recognized each other as different, right at the start, just like louis had known harry would be a star; the second louis’ eyes met that curly haired lad’s eyes in the bathroom at the x factor, he just knew, and then it was game over. at first, it was just this niggling feeling in the base of his skull, as if there was something fizzing in the crevices of his temporal lobe; slightly confused and wary, he had said “hi.” harry’s eyes had widened, and he opened his mouth and said “opps,” and it was like a feeling of familiarity and comfort had just washed over him, like he hadn’t only just seen the guy doing an interview earlier that day for the first time, like he had known this boy for his entire life and all the lives that had come before it. and for the first time, louis didn’t feel so alone in this crazy, fucked up world. 

it’s only later that louis realizes that maybe that isn’t normal for anyone, even people like them.)

they both had agreed that telling the lads right away would ruin any chances they had at everything, the blossoming friendship sprouting up tentatively between the five of them, the x factor, everything. harry insisted, however, that it not be kept a secret forever. louis, at the time, would have been content not to tell them ever, would have just let it stay hidden away and in the dark forever, but, well… let’s just say that harry was (and still is) very good at constructing a compelling argument to get his way; it certainly didn’t hurt that louis had already reached that point where he desperately needed to give harry everything and anything he wanted, wrapped around his little finger like the absolute sap that he was…

it took some compromise on both of their parts, but eventually a decision was reached.

they wouldn’t tell the other boys unless they asked directly about it or came to them with a close enough conclusion of the truth. either way, it left the choice in their hands, let them decide whether or not they really wanted to know what made their two band mates so strange compared to other people. him and harry would be honest if they came to them with these questions or suspicions, they wouldn’t shy away or change the subject, not unless one of them wasn’t ready. 

(and louis admits, that for that first year they were a band, he wasn’t ready at all for them to come asking; between the drastic change in lifestyle, meeting and getting together with the love of his life, touring, album making, it was rough.)

in the end, their boys figure out a somewhat skewed idea of what he and harry are hiding; not the exact secret, considering that the vast majority of the world hardly thinks that people like them are within the realm of possibility, much less a prominent reality. louis has never held out the expectation that they would get it right on the head and though harry certainly harbored some cautious optimism that they would against all odds, he likes to think he is much more realistic.

ultimately, louis believes the three boys did a decent enough job of piecing together the clues left by his and harry’s slip ups of the past three years. and when they sit harry and him down on the expensive, upholstered couch of the la vacation pad they all rented together for the next week, he is more than ready to just get it all out there, though he can’t quite stomp out the lingering fears for the worst, a habit of which he can’t quite shake.

he just never thought their… idea would manifest in this way.

“bdsm?”

“yes,” liam says. “there’s nothing wrong with that, you know. it’s nothing to be ashamed of. we aren’t judging you or anything; we just want to make sure you two are being safe about it, safe words and aftercare and such.”

the other two lads nod along with murmurs of agreement.

“I even did some research about it; it’s all really quite interesting,” zayn says.

louis blinks, slow and shocked, fumbling with how to respond but drawing up a blank. he wouldn’t call what they do bdsm exactly, and though there are certainly some elements of it to be found in their sex life, he can also see where the blurred lines between kinky for normal people and normal for other people, people like harry and him, are kind of, well, blurred. 

he glances at harry. harry isn’t much better off, his mouth hanging slightly agape, his eyes wide in surprise.

“um.”

“so yeah, we just wanted to, you know, check up on you guys then,” niall says, nodding. liam and zayn nod along with him, encouraging smiles curling the corners of their mouths. and louis appreciates their concerns and attentiveness, they really are the greatest friends he could ever ask for, and he loves them to death and trusts them more than most people in his life, but yeah. this is just all kinds of awkward.

harry turns a bit to face louis and clears his throat. “er—does this count for our agreement?”

louis feels a tendril of fondness curl slow and warm in his chest at harry’s consideration; even though they had discussed louis’ readiness on the manner a couple months ago, that louis is as ready as he will ever be, the fact that harry is taking cues from him, going at his pace in case he really does need more time, just makes louis want to push him down a fifty foot flight of stairs before kissing him nice and sweet where the broken bones would jut out of his skin.

“yeah. yeah, okay.”

liam and niall look a bit confused, like louis and harry have deviated from a script they had made up in their heads. zayn gives them a considering look, before nodding, like he knows what they’re talking about. he did do all that research, hm, though louis doubts what he thinks he knows is actually what it is.

So they explain everything. they take turns, filling in the blank spaces the other leaves, repainting the picture of louis and harry and the world as they had known it.

and when they’re done, when louis is almost breathless from how much he’s had to say, he pauses in the face of just how big a confession this is, this integral part of him he’s had to hide for so many years from three of the few people he considers to know him fairly well, know his character, how vulnerable he really is—all of it brought suddenly to light. it’s crazy to think, but louis hopes that this will make their little group stronger for it; they won’t have to keep the boys at arms length anymore, won’t have to make up excuses for why they act a certain way or why they are missing tattoos sometimes or why they heal so quickly, why they never get sick; it’s like a breath of fresh air after years in a smog ridden city and louis can almost feel the weight of this burden, this secret, lifting from his shoulders.

but then he gets a look at their faces.

niall looks like he can’t decide whether to laugh or ask if they’re okay, scratching the back of his blonde head in hesitation. liam is looking at them like they are strange, as if he’s waiting for the punch line to some joke, practically bracing himself for more, and zayn just looks as if he’s disappointed, like he expected better from them, like this is all a big prank and why wasn’t he invited into the know?

and louis, well louis is about two seconds from throwing his hands in the air, plastering on a fake smile and declaring that he got them, that this was all just one big, elaborate joke. he would deal with the crushing sadness he can feel building in the pit of his stomach, sadness for harry, for them, but especially for himself, later. 

harry’s gentle hand on his arm startles him, and he swallows thickly, looking up at harry in slight confusion because while that hand is offering support, support that louis is grateful for, support that he readily returns to harry when he notices the way harry’s shoulders have started sagging like the ropes that have been holding him up have been cut, it is also one seeking attention for something. harry raises an eyebrow, a question, a decision harry is giving to louis to make because he trusts louis to make the one that is best for them.

since words did nothing but mess things up, should they try and show the boys the truth, give them proper evidence that will make them see the reality of their story? or should they cut their ties and leave it, let the truth slide back into the dark where things that are unexplainable by normal standards are explained anyway with warped and wrong ideas?

louis thinks about how much he loves these three boys, how upset and guilty he’s felt for lying to them to cover up the truth, keeping pieces of himself hidden, holding them close to his chest, guarding them, when the other boys have given him all of themselves. he thinks about how harry feels, how harry has confided his hopes and fears to him with his face pressed to louis’ chest, because harry is such an important person to him and they are a matched set, you can’t have one without the other, and there is no way in hell that louis would be able to make a decision without first considering how it would impact harry, how it would impact them as a whole. he thinks of all the things he will never be able to share with the boys as long as they don’t know, how he will have to continue keeping secrets, how they won’t be able to attend harry and his wedding because harry has already decided that he wants to do a traditional wedding, one filled with blood and sacrifices and a graveyard filled with people who are other and unafraid to show it off, and louis is more than happy to give him that.

it’s that last thought, the very idea of which feels like someone took a meat tenderizer to his solar plexus, that gives louis renewed determination. 

he looks harry in the eyes and nods, says “get the chef knife.”

harry smiles in response, a knowing glint in his eyes because of course he knows what louis is planning on doing without him saying, and goes to the connected kitchen, retrieving the knife from its wooden block, much to the other three boys' confusion. louis contemplates his thumb, turns his hand this way and that, and decides it would be the best thing to cut off. when harry sits back down beside him, knife in one hand, the other relaxed but possessive on louis’ thigh, the other boys tense up, uncertainty and cautiousness in all of their faces now.

“what?”

“I think the thumb is good.” louis mutters to harry, ignoring their other band mates; now that they have gotten started, louis wants to rush to the finish and get it over with. already his heart is beginning to gallop quickly in his chest with nerves; he wants this done and over with before he loses his nerve.

“mm, yeah, definitely easier than the pinky.” harry hums and grasps louis’ offered hand, twisting it around like he doesn’t know every line on his palm, every crevice and dip in his skin. harry sets the sharp edge of the knife against the meat of louis’ thumb where the joint is hidden under layers of skin and tissue.

the knife only slices through maybe three layers of skin before the other boys are on them, shouting and trying to grab the knife out of harry’s hand.

“oh my god!”

“what are you doing?!”

“are you fucking insane?!”

louis is sort of pushed to the side as they try and pry the knife from harry’s grasp. harry attempts to push them off of him, careful and aware of the strength he has to rein in, a strength that is superior, that is normal for him and louis and people who are other but is not to everyone else, his grip on the knife never wavering, saying in calm, soothing tones that they need to “-relax, it’s fine, calm down.”

of course they don’t listen to harry, or they just don’t hear him over the sounds of themselves freaking out and trying to help in their own misguided way. so louis steps in, or tries to, only to have niall jump out of the fray to grab louis’ arm and try to drag him away, like he even could if louis didn’t want him to; which he didn’t. things get a little rough when liam and zayn realize they can’t seem to get the knife out of harry’s hand; there’s some wrestling, and harry trying to avoid accidently stabbing one of the other boys, because they won’t heal like him and harry can, still talking and trying to calm them down, but obviously losing hope, the look on his face distressed and sad. niall is beginning to turn red in the face with how hard he is trying to drag louis away to ‘safety,’ though louis refuses to budge, and just—

louis is just done at this point. any confidence he had that this would be easy and painless is gone, and already he’s starting to second guess himself, about whether the boys are ready, whether he really is ready; that if the boys’ reactions are anything like this when they’re so close to the real thing, then why would they ever accept him and harry for the real them?

he jerks his arm out of niall’s grip, gently enough not to break anything, but definitely more forceful than he’s ever been with any of them before, and moves forward to throw his band mates off of harry, to grab him up and just run away, hide out in their room and quit everything for a while, let this disaster blow over and give the boys a chance to settle down. he can’t take this right now.

suddenly, he feels a familiar cold pressure, and he pauses, one hand gripping zayn’s arm, the other twisted in the collar of liam’s shirt. the other boys fall silent in horror, their faces quickly draining of color, while harry just kind of sighs, shoulders slumping. 

the knife is in his throat.

Well, so much for easing them into it.

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: There are only about three or four parts left, the majority of which are complete, and because school is starting back up for me soon, I want to try and get the rest of this out before I'm too overwhelmed to do anything about it, so I’m aiming for updating the series EVERY Friday, depending on real life. I can't make promises, but I will do my best!
> 
> Also, if someone could teach me how to link things in these notes, that would be brilliant!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
